With The Internet, If You Erase Something

The Pressure To Being A Comedian Is Being Funny, But I've Given That Up, So There Is No Pressure Whatsoever.

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.

Any Misfortune That Happens To Another Person Is Funny. If It Happens To Someone Else And Not Me, It's Very Funny.

If Someone Else Is Paying For It, Food Just Tastes A Lot Better.

I'm One Of Those People That Picks Up The Remote Control And Just Keep Hitting Constantly, Even If I Like The Show I'm Watching.