I Wanted To Be A Brain Surgeon,

I'd Make Jack Benny Look Like A Philanthropist.

I Always Felt Bad For Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa Lived A Whole Life Helping Starving Children And Dying Villages, But She Could Never Be Declared A Saint 'cause She Never Actually Performed A Miracle. And It Was Towards The End, She Was Desperate To Perform A Miracle, So She Would Go Up To Starving Children And Go, 'what's That Behind Your Ear? It's A Quarter!

I Used To Go To The Improvisation Comedy Club Every Night In Times Square. How I Didn't Get Killed In That Area Either Means That 1) God Is Watching Over Me Or 2) I Am So Insignificant To God That He Didn't Bother Having Me Killed.

I Sincerely Apologize To Anyone Who Was Offended By My Attempt At Humor Regarding The Tragedy In Japan. I Meant No Disrespect, And My Thoughts Are With The Victims And Their Families.

One Pleasant Surprise Was When I Interviewed Butch Patrick. I Was Expecting This Bitter Old Drunk, And Instead He Had A Total Sense Of Humor About His Career And His Drinking And Drug Problem.