I Think A Lot Of People Have

I'd Like To Have A Kid, But I'd Probably Get A Frank Sinatra Jr. Instead Of A Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd Totally Screw Up Like That.

My Bubbie Lived To 104, Which Is Probably A Little Too Old To Consider A Ripe Old Age, Because She Had Already Started To Turn. I Still Say She Died Young.

People Have Many Theories About Comedy, But Being Just Plain Funny Is The One Most Important Thing.

I Sincerely Apologize To Anyone Who Was Offended By My Attempt At Humor Regarding The Tragedy In Japan. I Meant No Disrespect, And My Thoughts Are With The Victims And Their Families.

The 'phoenix Sun' Did A List Of The Unsexiest Men In The World, And I Made It To Number One. I Beat Out Bin Laden. He's A Terrorist, Hasn't Bathed In Months. I Beat Him Out. To Me It Was A Great Honor.