Whenever I Walk Off The Golf Course,

Having Children Is Like Living In A Frat House - Nobody Sleeps, Everything's Broken, And There's A Lot Of Throwing Up.

If My Father Had Hugged Me Even Once, I'd Be An Accountant Right Now.

Right After 'raymond' I Had A World-is-my-oyster Attitude, But I Found Out I Don't Like Oysters. I Had This Existential Emptiness.'what Is My Purpose? Who Am I?' I Had A Big Identity Crisis.

My Wife Gets All The Money I Make. I Just Get An Apple And Clean Clothes Every Morning.

I've Had People Say To Me, 'look At The Sky, The Fields, The Ocean, The Beautiful Sunset. Isn't That Proof Positive Of God?' Following That Line Of Thought, Look At The Magnificent Rainbows After A Big Rainstorm. Isn't That Proof Positive That God Is Gay?