My Career Has Been My Craziest Adventure.

I Had A Very Italian House - The "plastic Furniture You Couldn't Sit On" House. Did Anybody Have The Museum House? For A Kid It's Traumatic. Towels You Can Never Touch. China No One's Ever Gonna Use. Everything Is For A Special Occasion That Never Happens. My Mother Was Waiting For The Pope To Show Up For Dinner. Or Sinatra. Or Chachi.

The More I Go Through Parenting, The More I Say I Owe My Mother An Apology.

Well, I'm A 14 Handicap. Anyone Who Golfs Knows What That Means.

I Would Get My Student Loans, Get Money, Register And Never Really Go. It Was A System I Thought Would Somehow Pan Out.

If I Have Sex, I Know My Quarterly Estimated Taxes Must Be Due. And If It's Oral Sex, I Know It's Time To Renew My Driver's License.