When You're An Orthodox Worrier, Some Days

Humorists Can Never Start To Take Themselves Seriously. It's Literary Suicide.

Good Kids Are Like Sunsets. We Take Them For Granted. Every Evening They Disappear. Most Parents Never Imagine How Hard They Try To Please Us, And How Miserable They Feel When They Think They Have Failed.

It Would Have Been A Wonderful Wedding - Had It Not Been Mine.

Marriage Has No Guarantees. If That's What You're Looking For, Go Live With A Car Battery.

It Is Upsetting To Many Parents That Their Teen-agers Introduce Them To Their Friends As Encyclopedia Salesmen Who Are Just Passing Through ... If They Introduce Them At All. I Have Some Acquaintances Who Hover In Dark Parking Lots, Enter Church Separately And Crouch In Furnace Rooms So Their Teen-agers Will Not Be Accused Of Having Parents.