When You Are Doing Stand-up Comedy, You

My Grandmother Died Of Natural Causes. Or As My Family Calls It Murdered By The Lord.

I'm Willing To Write A Check For $10,000 If Someone Can Bring To Me What I Fell Is Ruining Thousands Of Lives, Destroying Lives Everyday. And I Know That You Know It's A Little Thing Called Chupacabra.

Ma'am, Are You Trying To Molest Me Via Drivethru?

Comedy Crowds - We Always Want To Come Out And Ask You, 'how You Feeling?' We Always Say That, 'by A Round Of Applause, How Do You Feel?' Right? 'by A Round Of Applause, How You Feeling?' It's The Only Place In The World That You Judge How You're Feeling By A Round Of Applause... There's Never Like A Car Accident, People All Over The Ground, People Running Over - 'ma'am! Ma'am! By A Round Of Applause, How Do You Feel? By A Round Of Applause - She's Not Clapping!

I Can't Relate To The Idea Of Suicide. I Guess I'm Just One Of Those People That Is Always Optimistic And Upbeat. But One Day, I Sat Down. I Said 'you Know What? Just To Kind Of Purge Myself, I Want To See What Its Like To Feel That Low'. So I Decided To Write A Suicide Note. Yeah, Just To Kinda Flush It Out There And Put It On A Page. And I Started To Do This, And I Had An Epiphany. I'll Share This With You: A Suicide Note That Is Written By Somebody That Is Not Suicidal Is Called An Autobiography. I Am On Chapter 58.