When I'm Onstage, I'm Acting.

I Never Went Out Looking For Glory.

I'm Not A Big One For Jokes. I Can't Tell A Joke, Believe It Or Not. If You Gave Me A Thousand Bucks And Said, "don, Get Up At A Party And Tell A Joke," I'm The Worst.

Room Service Is Great If You Want To Pay $500 For A Club Sandwich.

I've Never Been Mean-spirited, In My Opinion. I Never Did Anything Below The Belt.

I Never Could Tell A Joke. I Just Started Talking To The Audience, And When The Drunks Would Yell, "hey, When Do The Broads Come On?" I Got Good At Saying, "relax. Clear Your Skin Up First." They Called Me "the Insult Guy," But It's Never Mean-spirited. I'm Just Exaggerating Everything About Us And About Life.