When I Was A Kid My Parents

My Psychiatrist Told Me I Was Crazy And I Said I Want A Second Opinion. He Said Okay, You're Ugly Too.

I've Been Writing Jokes Since I'm Fifteen. Not Out Of Happiness, But To Go To A Different Place, Because Reality Wasn't Good To Me.

I Was So Poor Growing Up...if I Wasn't A Boy...i'd Have Nothing To Play With.

Steak And Sex, My Favorite Pair. I Get Them Both Very Rare.

Never Guess Your Wife's Size. Just Buy Anything Marked Petite And Hold On To The Receipt.