When I Take My Kid To School,

I Don't Like Being On A Horse. That's The Only Negative Of Doing A Western. I Like The Whole Get Up, And I Look Great In A Hat. But I Get Tense Around Horses. So, If They Could Make A Fake Horse, Then I'd Do A Western.

The Only Reason I Got Into Stand-up Was Because My Brother Told Me To. I Had No Idea What I Was Going To Do With My Life. I Was 17 And My Brother Went To A Comedy Club And He Said - You Can Do That.

My Comedy Is Different Every Time I Do It. I Don't Know What The Hell I'm Doing.

Chemistry Can Be A Good And Bad Thing. Chemistry Is Good When You Make Love With It. Chemistry Is Bad When You Make Crack With It.

Wrap The Turkey Up In Aluminum Foil My Brother Likes To Masturbate With Baby Oil.