When I Have A Really Hot Date

My Real First Job Was Delivering Newspapers With I Was 15. I Would Ride My Bike Around And Chuck Papers At People's Houses. The Thing That Sucked Is When I Would Go Collecting Everyone Acted Like They Were Not Home. Totally Sucked But Because I Could Control The Weather I Showered Trashcan Size Hail Down On Their Homes Until They Were Completely Decimated.

Three Weeks Ago One Of My Dreams Came True. I Finally Got To See Something I Always Wanted To Witness Live. I Finally Saw Someone Get Hit By A Car... Nailed!

It's The Worst Feeling When You Come Home Alone Late At Night And Think The Stranger Sitting On Your Couch Is A Pile Of Clothes.

Ma'am, Are You Trying To Molest Me Via Drivethru?

Here's The Thing About Red Sox Fans, Or Actually Just Fans From That Region, In General: They Appreciate The Effort. And If You Mail It In Or If You Give 80 Percent, Even With A Win, They'll Let You Know That's Not How You Do It. They Want - If It's Comedian, If It's A Musician, Bring Us Your Best Show.