What Am I Drinking? Nyquil On The

I Wrote A Script, And I Gave It To A Guy Who Reads Scripts, And He Read It, And He Liked It, But He Said He Thinks I Ought To Re-write It. I Said, "fuck That - I'll Just Make A Copy!"

The Commercial For Diet Dr. Pepper Says It Tastes Just Like Regular Dr. Pepper. Well, Then They Screwed Up!

A Lot Of Bands Have Intense Names, Like "rigor Mortis" Or "mortuary". We Weren't That Intense, We Called Ourselves "injured". Later On We Changed It To "acapella" When We Were Walking Out Of The Pawn Shop.

I Got A Business Card Because I Wanna Win Some Lunches. That's What My Business Card Says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme A Call, Maybe We'll Have Lunch. If I'm Lucky!

I Heard A Guy Tell Me He Liked Cherries. I Waited To Hear If He Was Going To Say "tomatoes", Then I Realized He Like Cherries Just. That Joke Is Ridiculous.