Hell, Yeah! Meeting Adjourned!

I Bought A Scratch Off Lottery Ticket, But Then I Accidentally Spilled Calamine Lotion On It, So It Did Not Need To Be Scratched. Shoot! I Will Not Know If I Have Won!

You Know When A Company Wants To Use Letters In Their Phone Number, But Often They'll Use Too Many Letters? "call 1-800-i-really-enjoy-brand-new-carpeting." Too Many Letters, Man, Must I Dial Them All? "hello? Hold On, Man, I'm Only On 'enjoy.' How Did You Know I Was Calling? You're Good, I Can See Why They Hired You!"

I Went To The Park And Saw This Kid Flying A Kite. The Kid Was Really Excited. I Don't Know Why, That's What They're Supposed To Do. Now If He Had Had A Chair On The Other End Of That String, I Would Have Been Impressed.

I Got An Ant Farm. Them Fellas Didn't Grow Anything. Hey, How About Some Celery? Plus, If I Tore Your Legs Off, You Would Look Like Snowmen.

I Travel With A Boom Box. When I Get On A Plane, I Stuff The Power Cord For The Boom Box Into The Battery Compartment. From An Outsider's Point Of View, It Looks Like I've Got It All Wrong.