I Like To Smoke A Pipe, Because

I Was At This Casino Minding My Own Business, And This Guy Came Up To Me And Said, 'you're Gonna Have To Move, You're Blocking A Fire Exit.' As Though If There Was A Fire, I Wasn't Gonna Run. If You're Flammible And Have Legs, You Are Never Blocking A Fire Exit.

A Snake Bite Emergency Kit Is A Body Bag.

Last Time I Called Shotgun We Had Rented A Limo, So I Messed Up!

I Went To The Airport, I Put My Bag In The X-ray Machine, I Found Out My Bag Has Cancer. It Only Has Six More Months To Hold Stuff.

If I Had A Dollar For Every Time I Said That, I'd Be Making Money In A Very Weird Way.