We're More Effective Than Birth Control Pills.

When The Public Starts Classifying You As Thoughtful, Someone Given To Serious Issues, You Find Yourself Declassified As A Humorist.

The Hollywood Tradition I Like Best Is Called Sucking Up To The Stars.

If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be Alive And All The Impersonators Would Be Dead.

There's A Lot Of Hypocrisy In Audiences. I'd Never Dream Of Telling Even On A Nightclub Stage, Let Alone My Show, Some Of The Jokes That Are Told In A Lot Of The Living Rooms From Which We Get Those Letters!

The Champagne They Have Stored Is Getting More Valuable Every Year.