Went To The Corner Shop - Bought

I'm On A Whisky Diet. I've Lost 3 Days Already.

I Inherited A Painting And A Violin Which Turned Out To Be A Rembrandt And A Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt Made Lousy Violins And Stradivarius Was A Terrible Painter.

A Guy Walks Into A Pub With A Lump Of Asphalt On His Shoulder, He Says To The Bar Man Give Us A Pint And One For The Road.

A Jump Lead Walks Into A Bar. The Barman Says "i'll Serve You, But Don't Start Anything."

I Used To Be Indecisive But Now I Am Not Quite Sure