We Will Try To Honor David Letterman

This Is America. I Don't Want A Tomato Picked By A Mexican. I Want It Picked By An American, Then Sliced By A Guatemalan And Served By A Venezuelan In A Spa Where A Chilean Gives Me A Brazilian.

The Skinnification Of America's Jeanscape Has Gone Too Far.

It's Like Boxing A Glacier. Enjoy That Metaphor, By The Way, Because Your Grandchildren Will Have No Idea What A Glacier Is.

Now, I Don't See Color. People Tell Me I'm White And I Believe Them Because Police Officers Call Me 'sir'.

Science Attacks Our Most Cherished Opinions. Opinions Which Come Straight From Our Collective Gut. Oh, Wait, According To Gastroenterologists, The Only Thing That Comes From The Gut Is Waste Left From The Digestion Of Food. That’s Right, “waste.” I Guess That Means That Scientists Literally Think Our Opinions Should Be Flushed Down The Toilet!