We All Hope For Breakthrough Rebirth Moments.

In School I Was Pretty Quiet. Kinda Shy Until My Junior Year. But At Home I Was A Freak.

I Never Leave A Dog Alone In A Car On A Hot Day. I Make Sure It's With An Elderly Person Holding A Baby.

What Am I Supposed To Say To An Atheist When He Sneezes, Ah, When You Die Nothing Happens.

Every Time You Come In From Cheating On Someone, They'll Just Whip Out The Most Adorable Term Of Endearment. Like, They'll Wake Up, Bright And Early, Sleep In Their Eyes And Say: "hey, Perfect."

You Know You're Lazy When You Run Out Of Toilet Paper And Use The Cardboard Roll To Wipe With.