I Never Leave A Dog Alone In

Dear Semi Hot Girl Taking Photos On A Boat. It's Not Your Boat So Stop Acting Like You Own It. You Drive A Used Civic.

Why Do They Call It The Restroom? Is There Anybody Just Resting In This Room?

The Problem With Dating A Model Is They Won't Go Out With You If Your Cars Color Doesn't Match Their Outfit.

You Need To Open Up Your Soul And Have A Weep-a-thon.

I'm In A New Club, By The Way. And I Don't Know If You're First Timers Like I Am, But I'm In The 'i Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have You Done That? Yeah, Good Times. I'm On The Phone And I Forget That I'm Using Shoulder Technique. Urinals Were Taken So I Went In To Use The Regular John. And As I'm Standing There, Mid-conversation, I'm Like 'are You Serious?' And It Just Started To Toboggan Right Down My Powerful Chest.