Tranquilizers Work Only If You Follow The

You Know You're Old When Someone Compliments You On Your Alligator Shoes, And You're Barefoot.

I Was So Wrinkled I Could Screw My Hats On.

When I Go To The Beach, My Grandchildren Try To Make Words Out Of The Veins In My Legs. That's Why I Still Take The Pill; I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

The Reason Women Don't Play Football Is Because 11 Of Them Would Never Wear The Same Outfit In Public.

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.