Tomorrow, America's Most Famous Hockey Mom, Sarah

John Kerry Said Today That He Wants To Get Rid Of Tax Cuts For The Rich And His Wife Said, 'hey, Shut Up! What's The Matter With You?! Are You Nuts?!'

Ann Landers Said That You Are Addicted To Sex If You Have Sex More Than 3 Times A Day, And That You Should Seek Professional Help. I Have News For Ann Landers: The Only Way I Am Going To Get Sex 3 Times A Day Is If I Seek Professional Help.

In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner Thanked His Loved Ones - Tobacco Lobbyists, The Oil Companies, The Ceos.

President Obama Released His Tax Returns. It Turns Out He Made $900,000 Less In 2011 Then He Did In 2010. You Know What That Means? Even Obama Is Doing Worse Under President Obama.

Hey, Barack Obama Had To Give Up His Blackberry. He's The First Wired President. ... He Might Have To Give His Blackberry Because Of Security Reasons. Because They're Easy To Hack Into. In Fact, When Obama Heard He Might Have To Give It Up, He Said, 'omg! Wtf?' I Mean, He Couldn't Believe It.