Italian Authorities Seized $6 Trillion Worth Of

One Of The Taliban Spokesmen Said They Have Thousands Of Men Who Look Forward To Death Like Americans Look Forward To Living, Which Is Great Because We Can Arrange That. We'll Set Them Up With Death, We'll Continue Living.

Yesterday Morning Facebook Was Temporarily Offline, Leaving Millions Of Workers Unable To Do Anything Except Their Jobs.

In Chicago Some Anti-mitt Romney Protesters Told Reporters They're Being Paid To Protest. They Said They're Being Paid By Democrats To Stand Outside And Chant Anti-romney Slogans. Well, Who Says President Obama Isn't Creating Any New Jobs?

President Obama And House Speaker John Boehner Have Agreed To Play A Round Of Golf Together. Imagine The Two Of Them At The End Of That Golf Game? Boehner Will Be Crying Over His Score And Obama Will Be Giving Three Explanations As To Why His Score Is Actually Better Than It Appears.

According To The British Journal Of Psychiatry, Marijuana Can Cause Panic Attacks. I Don't Know . . . The Only Time I Have Ever Seen A Marijuana User Look Panicky Is When They Are Out Of Marijuana.