This Is Frank Carson, News At Ten,

I Said To The Waitress, "there's A Fly Swimming In My Soup." She Said: "you've Got Too Much Soup - He Should Only Be Able To Paddle."

A Man Says To The Doctor: "what's The Good News?" "you've Got 24 Hours To Live." He Says: "what's The Bad News?" The Doctor Says: "we Should Have Told You Yesterday."

My Father Fought In World War I And Single-handedly Destroyed The Germans' Line Of Communication. He Ate Their Pigeon.

I'm Staying In A Lovely Hotel, Dressing Robe Behind The Door, Lovely Fluffy Sheets - Took Me A Half An Hour Getting My Suitcase Closed.

I Was Going Up To The Bathroom And A Woman Asked Me: "have You A Good Memory For Faces?" I Asked Why And She Said: "because There Isn't A Mirror Up There."