I Asked A Shop Owner If He

I Have A Pacemaker In, But It Doesn't Work Very Well, Because Every Time I Fart The Garage Door Opens.

I've Been Married To My Wife For 60 Years But It Feels Just Like Yesterday, And You Know What A Bloody Awful Day Yesterday Was.

I Just Want To Apologise For Being Late. I Was Flying Back From Spain And The Air Hostess Said: "we Are Two Hours Late Mr Carson." When I Asked Why, She Said: "the Pilot Has Heard A Funny Noise In The Engine That He Doesn't Like, So We Are Waiting On Another Pilot Who Can't Hear It."

Frank Once Slipped Something Into The Pocket Of A Luggage Handler At The Airport And Said: "have A Drink On Me." The Luggage Handler Later Found Out It Was A Tea Bag.

Did You Know You Can Have An Irish Abortion, But There Is A 12 Month Waiting List?