They've Finally Come Up With The Perfect

Folk Who Don't Know Why America Is The Land Of Promise Should Be Here During An Election Campaign.

We Owe A Lot To Thomas Edison - If It Wasn't For Him, We'd Be Watching Television By Candlelight.

We Inherit A Lot From Our Parents: Mom's Eyes, Dad's Chin, And The Attitude Of Whichever Parent Isn't Punishing You At The Moment. All Of Those Things We Have Our Mom's To Thank For."if Evolution Really Works, How Come Mothers Only Have Two Hands?"

I Don't Date Women My Age. There Aren't Any.

I Never Stole A Joke In My Life. I Just Find Them Before They're Lost.