They Say Hot Dogs Can Kill You.

I Was Going To Start Off Tonight With An Obama Joke But I Don't Want To Get Audited By The Irs.

55% Of All Americans Lose Their Remote Control 5 Times A Week. That Means That They Must See The Same Show For Up To 3-4 Minutes A Time!

The White House Has Now Released Military Documents That They Say Prove George Bush Met His Requirements For The National Guard. Big Deal, We've Got Documents That Prove Al Gore Won The Election.

Anybody Can Have A Life. Careers Are Hard To Come By.

If Arnold Is Elected, You Know Who I'd Feel Sorry For? The People On Death Row. Imagine, You're About To Be Executed, The Governor Calls, You Think It's Your Reprieve, And You Hear 'hasta La Vista, Baby.'