The Worst Thing About Losing This Job:

Attorney General John Ashcroft Has Been Hospitalized. I Believe He Is Suffering From Homophobia. No, Actually, It Was Just Gallstones, But When They Gave Him The Hospital Gown That Opens In The Back, He Refused To Wear It, He Thought It Was A Gay Wedding Dress.

The Globe Reports That North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-il Raises Money By Selling Fake Viagra Pills. What It Is About This Guy? None Of His Missiles Seem To Launch.

While Visiting Kenya, Former President Clinton Was Offered 40 Goats And 20 Cows For His Daughter, Chelsea, By A Love Struck Government Official. Bill Said, "no Way!" How Does That Make Hillary Feel? Bill Almost Gave Her Up For One Cow.

President Obama Wants Congress To Increase The Minimum Wage. Believe Me, When It Comes To Doing The Minimum For Their Wage, Congress Knows What It's Talking About.

It Is Day Two Of The Democratic Convention, And Apparently They Had A Huge Lighting Problem In The Convention Hall Today. They Worked All Day On It. They Still Couldn't Get President Obama Out Of Bill Clinton's Shadow.