Gas Stations Are Considering Hiring Security Guards.

The Reigning Miss Canada Has Been Arrested For Punching Out Another Woman In A Bar Fight.quite Frankly, I Think It's Refreshing To Finally Find One Beauty Pageant Winner Who Is Against World Peace.

Yesterday In New York City, Donald Trump Officially Changed His Political Affiliation From Republican To Independent. And Donald's Hair Has Switched From Pelt To Carpet Sample.

I've Lost Some Weight. I Am On That New Obama Diet. Every Day I Let Vladimir Putin Eat My Lunch.

Genetic Scientists Say That One Day It Will Be Possible To Grow New Body Parts, Like New Breasts And New Hands. It's Going To Be A Huge Moneymaker, Because You Know That As Soon As Women Grow Another Breast, Men Will Want Another Hand.

We Had President Obama On The Show Last Night. I Think The President Enjoys Visiting Nbc Because We're The Only Place That Has Lower Numbers Than He Does.