These Greens Are So Fast I Have

Over The Years I've Studied The Habits Of Golfers. I Know What To Look For. Watch Their Eyes. Fear Shows Up When There Is An Enlargement Of The Pupils. Big Pupils Lead To Big Scores.

There Is An Old Saying: If A Man Comes Home With Sand In His Cuffs And Cockleburs In His Pants, Don't Ask Him What He Shot.

Keep Close Count Of Your Nickels And Dimes, Stay Away From Whiskey, And Never Concede A Putt.

Golf Course Architects Make Me Sick. They Can't Play Themselves, So They Rig The Courses So Nobody Else Can Play Either.

Most People Who Play Golf Have One Big Trouble: They Think Too Much. To Get Any Real Mileage Out Of This Game You've Got To Sit On Your Imagination.