There Has Been No Electricity In Baghdad

Our Top Story, In 'threat Matrix Reloaded' News ... Attorney General John Ashcroft And Fbi Director Robert Muller Held A Press Conference Today To Announce That Al Qaeda Is Planning Attacks Somewhere Inside The United States At Sometime In The Future. So Go About Your Normal Lives, But With A Vague Sense Of Foreboding.

President Bush Is In The Hot Seat Over Iraqi Pre-war Intelligence. Remember The Good Ol' Days When The Only Thing The President Was Trying To Cover Up Was A Stain?

President Bush Is Not Fazed By Other Candidates' War Records. He Said, I May Have Not Fought In Vietnam, But I Created One.

Boeing Is Working On An Invisible Fighter Jet So Nobody Can See Who's Flying It. Didn't George Bush Fly This In The National Guard, I Believe?

I Don't Do Well Around The Angry, Bitter And Emotionally Fragile Among Us, Which May Eliminate 70% Of The Population.