The Truth Is, I Wrote A Novel

I Called My Mother Immediately To Inform Her That She Was A Bad Parent. "i Can't Believe You Let Us Watch This. We Ate Dinner In Front Of This." "everyone Watched Twin Peaks," Was Her Response. "so, If Everyone Jumped Off The Brooklyn Bridge, Would You Do It, Too?" "don't Be Silly," She Laughed, "of Course I Would, Honey. There'd Be No One Left On The Planet. It Would Be A Very Lonely Place.

At The End Of Each Year, I Sit On The Floor And Go Page By Page Through The Old Calendar, Inking Annual Events Into The New One, All The While Watching My Year In 'dinner Withs' Skate By. When I'm Done, I Save The Old Calendar In The Box Of The New One And Put It With The Others On A Shelf.

I'm A Summer Baby, So I Usually Have My Birthday As A Good Summer Memory.

I Was Diagnosed With A Severe Temporal Spatial Deficit, A Learning Disability That Means I Have Zero Spatial Relations Skills. It Was Official: I Was A Genius Trapped In An Idiot's Body.

The Nursery Rhyme Ends When A Spider Comes Along And Frightens Miss Muffet Straight Off Her Tuffet. I Have Wondered About What Kind Of Lesson This Is For A Young Girl. If You're Eating Your Curds And Whey And A Spider Comes Along, I Don't Think There's Anything Wrong With Picking Up A Newspaper, Smashing It, And Going Back To Your Breakfast.