The Scots Are A Very Tough People.

My Sister Gained 80 Pounds Expecting Her Baby. Well, You Get Nervous, Waiting For Those Adoption Papers To Clear.

People Come Up To Me And Say, 'emo, Do People Really Come Up To You?'

My Classmates Would Copulate With Anything That Moved, But I Never Saw Any Reason To Limit Myself.

It's Amazing Where A Joke Might Come From. I Find A Lot Of Humour Just By Metaphorically Turning Things Upside Down Or Literally Like My Wife's Cat.

Cell Phones Are Like A Dog's Nipples... You Don't Have To Shout Into Them!