In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner

President Bush Said It's Now Time For A Change In Iraq And He Wants Them To Have A Western-style Democracy Like Ours. So Right Now In Iraq, The Economy Is Collapsing, Businessmen Are Corrupt, And Hussein Wants His Son To Take Over As President. Sounds Like Mission Accomplished.

Hillary Clinton Is Getting A Little Bit Of Controversy Because She Has The Most Expensive Hometown Office Rent - Over $500,000 A Year. She's In A One-year Lease In The Office, As Opposed To Her Marriage, Which Is On A Month-to-month.

Hillary Clinton Said She Hopes America Is Ready For A Woman In The Oval Office. That Was The Great Thing About Her Husband Bill: He Was Always Ready For A Woman In The Oval Office.

More Bad News For The Taliban. Remember How They Are Promised 72 Virgins When They Die? Turns Out That It's Only One 72-year-old Virgin.

They Say John Kerry Is The First Democratic Presidential Candidate In History To Raise $50 Million In A Three-month Period. Actually, That's Nothing. He Once Raised $500 Million With Two Words: 'i Do.'