The Essence Of Childhood, Of Course, Is

When I Was A Child, I Was Living In The Housing Projects Of Philadelphia. I Didn't Even Have A Christmas Tree.

My Feeling Is, Personally, I Want To Die First... Because I Believe That When You Die, Your Soul Goes Immediately Up For Judgment - And I Don't Want My Wife Up There First. No, The Judgment Will Be Horrendous.

Fatherhood Is Telling Your Daughter That Michael Jackson Loves All His Fans, But Has Special Feelings For The Ones Who Eat Broccoli.

I Don't Wear No Condom And I Don't Plan For No Kids.

I Once Asked My Father For A Dollar For The School Picnic. He Told Me How He Once Killed A Grizzly Bear With His Loose-leaf Notebook.