The Definition Of Adulthood Is That You

The Mistakes That I Made I Made Because I Drank Too Much. I Don't Think That's Going To Happen Any More. Am I Going To Make Mistakes As A Parent? Sadly, Every Day. I'm Looking Around For The Perfect Parent And I Haven't Seen One Yet.

When We Save The Rain Forest, The Polar Bear, And Al Gore, We Should Party So Hard That Canada Calls The Cops On Us For Noise.

Once I Was Gone For A Month And I Was Just Miserable, So I Flew Back From Florida For Two Hours Just To Be Home And See My Cats.

You Know, In Politics When You Come In Third, It's A Win.

I Can Make Things, But I Don't Cook Them, Exactly. Like Salmon, I Can Stick That In A Pan. Or The Other Day I Made Noodles, But They Were Hard. It Never Occurred To Me To Check Them; I Just Stopped Cooking Them When I Felt They Were Ready. Really, I'm Too Absentminded.