Success Is The Enemy Of Comedy.

The Best Revenge Is Living Well.

You Know The Message You're Sending Out To The World With These Sweatpants? You're Telling The World, 'i Give Up. I Can't Compete In Normal Society. I'm Miserable, So I Might As Well Be Comfortable.

There's More To Life Than Making Shallow, Fairly Obvious Observations.

A Two-year-old Is Kind Of Like Having A Blender, But You Don't Have A Top For It.

There's Nothing More Fun Than Entertaining Kids.