Start Every Day Off With A Smile

Once, During Prohibition, I Was Forced To Live For Days On Nothing But Food And Water.

Alcoholic: Anybody Who Drinks More Than I Do.

What A Gorgeous Day. What Effulgent Sunshine. It Was A Day Of This Sort The Mcgillicuddy Brothers Murdered Their Mother With An Axe.

If I Ever Found A Church That Didn't Believe In Knocking All The Other Churches, I Might Consider Joining It.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.