South Park Called...they Want Their Everything Back.

Life Has To Keep Going, So You Can Either Be A Victim The Rest Of Your Life And Let It Drag You Down Into Drugs And Alcohol And Depression Or You Can Turn It Into Something Good, Fun Even, You Know, And I Tell Young People Who Are Going Through Depression That This Might Be The Most Important Time Of Your Life. This Might Be What Makes You A Great Artist Later On.

Maybe I'm Corny, But I'm A Big Believer In Second Chances.

Sometimes During My Set I Invite Volunteers Up On Stage To Get Speed-roasted And I'm Worried That I May Have Hundreds Of People Rushing The Stage All At Once. Luckily I'm A Black Belt In Karate And I Can Fend Them Off.

Before You Can Be All Deprecating It's Helpful To Be Self-deprecating.

Instead Of Running For President, Why Don’t You Try Walking On A Treadmill?