Some People Are So Much Afraid Of

Though We May Not Desire To Detect Fraud, We Must Not, On That Account, Endeavor To Be Insensible Of It, For, As Cunning Is A Crime, So Is Duplicity A Fault, And If Men Dread Knaves, They Also Despise Fools.

I Went To A Hypnotist. He Put Me Under A Spell, And Every Time I Had A Craving For A Cigarette, I Would Throw Up. It's Very Embarrassing Right After Sex. I Find It Pretty Hard To Get That Second Date After That. Girls Get All Snobby After You Barf On Them.

There Is A Very Prevalent Tenet With Youth, That Good Company Is Every Thing Desirable, And That Bad Is Even Better Than None.

My Dad Had This Thing - Everyone In Canada Wants To Play Hockey; That's All They Want To Do. So When I Was A Kid, Whenever We Skated My Dad Would Not Let Us On The Ice Without Hockey Sticks, Because Of This Insane Fear We Would Become Figure Skaters!

I Completely Understand Why A Businessman Would Fire Me From 'saturday Night Live'. Because He Was Seeing Jay Leno Kill 10 Minutes A Night, Doing His Monologue With Wall-to-wall Laughs And Applause, Then I Do 10 Minutes A Week To, Sometimes, Breathtaking Silence. He's Just Listening For The Laughs.