Say What You Will About Leona Helmsley,

I Always Liked Mitt Romney. He Looks Like The Salesman Who Follows You Around At Brooks Brothers.

I Had No Idea This Thing Was Televised. Boy, Is My Face Red.

Obama Took A Tour Of The Great Wall Of China And Said, 'we Need One Of These Things Around The White House.'

I Heard This Today And I Thought This Was Fascinating And Interesting. President Bush Has Two Daughters, Two Beautiful Daughters, And They May Work On Their Father's Presidential Campaign After They Get Out Of College And I Thought, Well, That's A Pretty Good Move Because In This Economy, They Won't Be Able To Find Real Jobs.

This Osama Bin Laden, Now They Say He Has Had Plastic Surgery. They Say He Sneaked Across The Border Into Pakistan, Which By The Way Is The Place To Go To Have Plastic Surgery. He Looks Great. A Tourist Came Up To Him Earlier This Week And Said, 'may I Have Your Autograph, Mr. Hasselhoff?'