Quote/unquote And You Can Quote Me On

I Can Always Get Better. A Lot Of My Ex-girlfriends Don't Think I'm Funny.

I'm Willing To Write A Check For $10,000 If Someone Can Bring To Me What I Fell Is Ruining Thousands Of Lives, Destroying Lives Everyday. And I Know That You Know It's A Little Thing Called Chupacabra.

I Say It With My Tongue Firmly Planted In Cheek But There's Truth To It - Being A Comedian Is Very Close To Being A Therapist. When You're Working Smaller Clubs, You're Listening. You're Feeling An Energy, You're Going With A Tone But When People Start Yelling Out, You Almost Start A Conversation With People.

I Love Singing Along To The Radio While I'm Riding In The Back Of A Squad Car.

Listening To Evanescence Makes Me Want To Break Up With A Girl In Real Time As A Giant Antique Hourglass Falls To The Floor In Slow Motion.