Quit Worrying About Your Health. It'll Go

The Next Time You Feel Like Complaining, Remember That Your Garbage Disposal Probably Eats Better Than 30 Percent Of The People In The World

Economists Can Certainly Disappoint You. One Said That The Economy Would Turn Up By The Last Quarter. Well, I'm Down To Mine And It Hasn't.

There Are Only Two Kinds Of People In This World. The Realists And The Dreamers. The Realists Know Where They Are Going And The Dreamers Have Already Been There.

If Somebody Accuses You In A Story Of Being A Crook, You Can Demand That They Prove It. But If A Comic Says It And You Protest, People Say, 'what's The Matter, You Can't Take A Joke?

Never Raise Your Hand To Your Children - It Leaves Your Midsection Unprotected.