Put Smarties Tubes On Cats Legs, Make

I'm Obsessed With Tv. How Wrong Our Parents Were When They Said We Should Only Watch An Hour A Day. Stop Wasting Your Time Reading Books.

I Didn't Plan To Be The Rude Middle-class Comedian. You Write A Certain Type Of Joke That You Find Funny, And Mine Happen To Be Often Rude. Yes, It's Juvenile, But That's Me.

When I Was A Kid I Had An Imaginary Friend And I Used To Think That He Went Everywhere With Me, And That I Could Talk To Him And That He Could Hear Me, And That He Could Grant Me Wishes And Stuff. And Then I Grew Up, And I Stopped Going To Church.

If I'm At Home For The Weekend - And That Is Almost Never - I Tend To Get Twitchy At About Eight O'clock In The Evening Because My Body Clock Is Timed To Go On Stage. I Don't Know What To Do With Myself.

I Love Those People Who Do Story-telling And Who Ramble On, But I Don't Do That, I Tell Jokes - The Sort Of Jokes That Anyone Really Could Tell In The Pub.