President Bush, Have A Hot Dog With

If The Eyes Are The Window To The Soul, Then Why Does It Hurt When I Spray Them With Windex?

And That Brings Us To Tonight's Word: Truthiness. Now I'm Sure Some Of The Word-police, The 'wordanistas' Over At Websters, Are Gonna Say, 'hey, That's Not A Word!' Well, Anybody Who Knows Me Knows That I Am No Fan Of Dictionaries Or Reference Books. They're Elitist. Constantly Telling Us What Is Or Isn't True, What Did Or Didn't Happen.

I Live By Syllogisms: God Is Love. Love Is Blind. Stevie Wonder Is Blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder Is God. I Don't Know What I'd Believe In If It Wasn't For That.

My Brother Billy Was The Joke Teller. My Brother Jim Had A Really Sharp, Cutting Wit. And The Teller Of Long Stories, That Was My Brother Ed. As A Child, I Just Absorbed Everything They Said, And I Was Always In Competition For The Laughs.

It's Hard To Swallow Your Pride. That's Why I Slather Mine In Mayonnaise.