President Bush Has Urged People To Get

At The G-20 Summit, The White House Accidentally Listed A Phone-sex Line For Journalists Seeking An On-record Briefing Call For Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton. To Which Bill Said, 'boy, Did They Get The Wrong Number.'

Do You Know Who Will Be In Charge Of Health Care? The Irs. You Thought Getting Audited Was Bad? Wait Until Your Next Prostate Exam.

John Kerry Is Recovering Nicely After Having Prostate Surgery. But The Doctors Did Tell Him It Would Be Several Months Before He Could Be Sexually Active Again. All The Other Democratic Candidates Have Been Very Supportive. Joe Lieberman Called To Wish Him The Best. The Rev. Al Sharpton Called To Offer Prayers. Former President Bill Clinton Called Mrs. Kerry And Asked If She Was Lonely.

Political Analysts Say That President Bush's Re-election Strategy Is To Try And Convince Americans That He's A War President. I Don't Get That, Do You Think That'll Work? I Mean, Don't You Think That If He Tries To Convince The American People That We Need A War President, Isn't He Afraid That They're Going To Vote For The Guy That Was Actually In A War?

In Business News, Chocolate Maker Nestle Is Buying Jenny Craig. Well, That Says It All You Need To Know About The War On Obesity, Doesn't It? It's Over! Apparently We Surrendered!