A New Study Published By The British

Authorities In New York City Have Foiled A Plot By Terrorists To Blow Up The Holland Tunnel. There Was One Awkward Moment When Officials Informed President Bush The Holland Tunnel Was Safe. Bush Then Thanked The Dutch Authorities For All Their Help.

President Bush Said The Other Day The War Is Not About Timetables. It's About Winning. Hey, It Worked In Florida.

California Governor Gray Davis Visited An Elementary School Here In Los Angeles Where He Taught A Class. I Don't Want To Say He Was Unpopular But The Kids Gave Him A Wedgie And Stuffed Him In A Locker.

In South Korea, A Scientist Considered To Be One Of The Pioneers In The Field Of Cloning Has Been Sentenced To Two Years In Prison. At Least, They Think It's Him.

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge Raised Security Alert To A Code Red. Apparently Howard Dean Has Escaped. Did You See Dean's Crazed Speech The Other Night, Yelling? I See Why His Wife Won't Campaign With Him. In Fact, Dean Has A New Slogan: 'aaghhhh.'