People Say It's Easy To Make Fun

This Past Christmas, I Told My Girlfriend For Months In Advance That All I Wanted Was An Xbox. That's It. Beginning And End Of List, Xbox. You Know What She Got Me? A Homemade Frame With A Picture Of Us From Our First Date Together. Which Was Fine. Because I Got Her An Xbox.

I Will Never Understand How A Mother Can Kill Her Own Baby And Not Get Away With It.

She Got Really Mad A Month Ago, Because She Had E-mailed Me A Naked Picture Of Herself - Which Is A Nice Thing To Do - But Then I Messed Up, And I Accidentally Forwarded That E-mail To Both Of My Parents. Now, My Girlfriend Is Furious, Mortified, But I Don't Even Care, 'cause Now I Have To Call Up My Mother And Say 'mom, I Am So Sorry - That Picture Was Just For Dad.'

I Enjoyed Writing For Someone Elses Voice, But I Wasnt Very Good At It.

I Like To Read, But Otherwise I'm Just Your Average, Self-obsessed Comedian. It's Pretty Much All I Think About.