One Day, In 1982, For 15 Minutes,

Wake Me Up When I'm A Size 5.

I'm Lucky That My Real-life Mom Has Both A Great Sense Of Humor About Herself And An Amazing Ability To Slip Into Complete Denial If The Subject Matter Gets A Little Too Close To Home.

Imagine My Surprise When, After A Lifetime Of Teaching Me To Keep Personal Things To Myself, Mom Insisted My Drawings Were The Start Of A Comic Strip For Millions Of People To Enjoy.

I Was Going To Sip On A Diet Soda, But A Little Voice Convinced Me I Needed The Extra Calcium From A Cup Of Hot Chocolate.

I've Found It's Better To Talk To The Machine And Hang Up If I Get The Person.