No More Botox For Me. Betty White's

I Can't Like Watching Project Runway With Heidi Klum. There's Just Something Wrong About A German Woman Saying Who Goes And Who Stays

As A Wedding Gift, Ray J Gave Kim Kardashian His Profits From Their Sex Tape. It's 'something Old' As Well As 'something Blew.'

I've Learned To Have Absolutely No Regrets About Any Jokes I've Ever Done.

Every Comedian Is Furious. Age Makes Me Angry. I'm Unhappy At Not Being Able To Open Packages Anymore. I'm Angry That Libraries Have Gone. I Hate Children On Planes. I'm Very Shallow, So They Tend To Be Little Things. To Be Honest, I Think I Was Probably Angry The Day I Was Born, You Know, About Diapers Or Something.

When A Man Has A Birthday, He Takes A Day Off. When A Woman Has A Birthday, She Takes At Least Three Years Off.