Never Run With Scissors Or Other Pointy

[to Audience Members Who Were Arriving Late] You Haven't Missed A Thing, I Was Just Killing Time 'til You Got Here.

Learn To Feel Sorry For Music Because, Although It Is The International Language, It Has No Swear Words.

Once You Become Successful, People Know Where You Live, The Type Of House You Live In, The Kind Of Car You Drive, The Clothes You Wear, And So It Would Be Patronising To Go And Talk Like A Welder. Welding's A Mystery To Me Now. You Can't Go Back, Your Life Changes Every Day.

Why Do They Call It An Asteroid When It's Outside The Hemisphere, But Call It A Haemorrhoid When It's On The Outside Of Your Ass?

I Can't Believe In Christianity, But I Think Jesus Was A Wonderful Teacher.